New Journal Stuff http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm Mon, 22 Feb 2010 02:30:00 GMT http://bandzoogle.com 5 Fatherly Lessons Learned From Being the Shocker on Halloween http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=188624 We were nearing the eve of Halloween and my wife calls me "Hey Dave, I'm at the costume store...what do you want? They have a pirate outfit and this Shocker costume thing." A SHOCKER COSTUME? I thought. This is going to be money. Before you read on you must know that I'm a pretty good dad. I quit playing music every weekend and traveling the country to be home more and I have generally put my son before me in every case. But I'm kind of sloppy. I like to drink. I really like to say F*ck. And given the choice between a "Pirate Costume" and a "Shocker"....I'll take the Shocker EVERYTIME. In fact, if you had a suit made of big old hairy floppy balls, I would actually wear that everywhere. Then I'd walk door to door holding Howie's hand and when we knocked upon the door and it opened he'd say "Trick or Treat" and I would feverishly flop myself all over the people passing the candy out. Juvenile? No. At least I expose the skeletons in my closet. Turns out, this Shocker costume was the most horrible asshole stupid costume I could have ever gotten. The fingers wouldn't stay up, it was uncomfortable, and the costume just overall bombed. Bigtime. At one point some guy decided to interrogate me in front of 15 other people asking, "What are you supposed to be bud?" I was like "The Shocker". And no one laughed. He said "Oh...I thought you were supposed to be a big middle finger." Anyways...I learned a few things about life and fatherhood from this experience. And since numbered lists are all the rage with blogging these days, I figured I would jump on the bandwagon before it runs out of gas. Or steam...or whatever in the balls a bandwagon uses for power. 1. Read the instructions How many of you actually read instructions when putting something together for your kids? You are a liar if you say you do. Welp, it is time to tear them from the plastic. If I would have even looked at the instructions for the costume I would have seen that you are supposed to STUFF THE G*D DAMN FINGERS WITH PAPER. Then they wouldn't have fell down. Then I would have looked like the Shocker. Then I would have conquered the world. 2. Listen to your wife (or girlfriend or mom) I still won't do this because it sucks, but she had a couple of suggestions that were better in hindsight. I thought I was going to kill the world with my Shocker costume. I was so immersed in my delusions of grandeur that I couldn't even hear the warnings spewing from her mouth. All I could hear or see was how awesome I was going to be and how this costume was going to revolutionize Halloween itself. 3. Stand Up and Own It The only REAL time that this costume was awkward was when I felt embarrassed about its shittiness. Once I settled on the fact that it was too late to turn back, I stopped taking the costume off and started looking people in the eye. Even with all 5 fingers flopping down to the floor, I would answer "The Shocker" with full confidence when asked what I was supposed to be. I think you could actually walk into a room completely buck ass naked and if you own it...people will love you for it. 4. Strike those first two and follow your gut Some say life is short. Some say life is loooong. No matter what you believe, one thing holds true...when we get older the only things we have are memories. Good or bad, we can usually at least laugh at most of them. If I would have went as some stupid teddy bear thing, no one would have cared either way and I would have one less story to share over a beer or in the nursing home one day. Or better yet, over a beer IN the nursing home... 5. Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously If I were Captain Anal, I probably wouldn't have worn a costume at all, much less a Shocker. I got some pretty dirty looks that night from some other Captain Anals. Actually, Captain Anal would be a sweet costume. That's what I'm going as next year. Wait, that actually sounds kind of twisted...what if people thought that I was actually into...nevermind. Thanks for the advice...That was a shitty list, Dave. Yea, well aside from "reading the instructions" and "listening to your wife" I think it's all fairly manly/good fatherly advice...I won't repeat the first two ever again because I actually felt myself turn into a woman for 5 minutes as I was typing them. Seriously though, what would you add to the list? Go any costume idears? p.s. Go check out Noah and the Whale's Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down. Just bought that one and it is awesome. It's also perfect bath time music...It makes the whole wrestling a demon child down into the water much more peaceful. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dave playing some cover songs and generally actin' a fool: http://www.youtube.com/jakobfreely Follow Dave on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/davemhuffman
Before you read on you must know that I'm a pretty good dad. I quit playing music every weekend and traveling the country to be home more and I have generally put my son before me in every case. But I'm kind of sloppy. I like to drink. I really like to say F*ck. And given the choice between a "Pirate Costume" and a "Shocker"....I'll take the Shocker EVERYTIME. In fact, if you had a suit made of big old hairy floppy balls, I would actually wear that everywhere. Then I'd walk door to door holding Howie's hand and when we knocked upon the door and it opened he'd say "Trick or Treat" and I would feverishly flop myself all over the people passing the candy out.

Juvenile? No. At least I expose the skeletons in my closet.

Turns out, this Shocker costume was the most horrible asshole stupid costume I could have ever gotten. The fingers wouldn't stay up, it was uncomfortable, and the costume just overall bombed. Bigtime. At one point some guy decided to interrogate me in front of 15 other people asking, "What are you supposed to be bud?" I was like "The Shocker".

And no one laughed.

He said "Oh...I thought you were supposed to be a big middle finger."

Anyways...I learned a few things about life and fatherhood from this experience. And since numbered lists are all the rage with blogging these days, I figured I would jump on the bandwagon before it runs out of gas. Or steam...or whatever in the balls a bandwagon uses for power.

1. Read the instructions
How many of you actually read instructions when putting something together for your kids? You are a liar if you say you do. Welp, it is time to tear them from the plastic. If I would have even looked at the instructions for the costume I would have seen that you are supposed to STUFF THE G*D DAMN FINGERS WITH PAPER. Then they wouldn't have fell down. Then I would have looked like the Shocker. Then I would have conquered the world.

2. Listen to your wife (or girlfriend or mom)
I still won't do this because it sucks, but she had a couple of suggestions that were better in hindsight. I thought I was going to kill the world with my Shocker costume. I was so immersed in my delusions of grandeur that I couldn't even hear the warnings spewing from her mouth. All I could hear or see was how awesome I was going to be and how this costume was going to revolutionize Halloween itself.

3. Stand Up and Own It
The only REAL time that this costume was awkward was when I felt embarrassed about its shittiness. Once I settled on the fact that it was too late to turn back, I stopped taking the costume off and started looking people in the eye. Even with all 5 fingers flopping down to the floor, I would answer "The Shocker" with full confidence when asked what I was supposed to be. I think you could actually walk into a room completely buck ass naked and if you own it...people will love you for it.

4. Strike those first two and follow your gut
Some say life is short. Some say life is loooong. No matter what you believe, one thing holds true...when we get older the only things we have are memories. Good or bad, we can usually at least laugh at most of them. If I would have went as some stupid teddy bear thing, no one would have cared either way and I would have one less story to share over a beer or in the nursing home one day. Or better yet, over a beer IN the nursing home...

5. Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously
If I were Captain Anal, I probably wouldn't have worn a costume at all, much less a Shocker. I got some pretty dirty looks that night from some other Captain Anals. Actually, Captain Anal would be a sweet costume. That's what I'm going as next year. Wait, that actually sounds kind of twisted...what if people thought that I was actually into...nevermind.

Thanks for the advice...That was a shitty list, Dave.

Yea, well aside from "reading the instructions" and "listening to your wife" I think it's all fairly manly/good fatherly advice...I won't repeat the first two ever again because I actually felt myself turn into a woman for 5 minutes as I was typing them.

Seriously though, what would you add to the list? Go any costume idears?

p.s. Go check out Noah and the Whale's Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down. Just bought that one and it is awesome. It's also perfect bath time music...It makes the whole wrestling a demon child down into the water much more peaceful.

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Dave playing some cover songs and generally actin' a fool: http://www.youtube.com/jakobfreely

Follow Dave on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/davemhuffman





]]> Mon, 22 Feb 2010 02:30:00 GMT 423D2721620DE768C2C473C688A32A03 My Wife Puts the Heat on Hell http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=162541 <a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/hell/savagethought69/HELL-YEAH.jpg"> Photo Linked to Source Here's what my wife does every single night. Even in the heat of the f@cking summertime. Puts our son to bed, brushes her teeth or possibly some combination including a shower, maybe grabs a snack or glass of wine, then she TURNS THE HEAT TO HELL. For those of you not following my reference, she cranks that shit to about 77 degrees. Why in the holy balls does 77 degrees outside feel great, but it feels like the god damn Gobi Desert indoors? I don't get it. I wake up at least 4 nights a week and deliriously roam the house about 5 minutes from heat stroke, looking for water. Ha, I seriously just pulled the spelling of &quot;delirious&quot; completely out of my ass. That was awesome. So, to make a long story short - we just found out that she has Iron Deficiency Anemia. One of the top side affects? Survey says....&quot;being cold&quot;. I don't know if that's exactly how it is listed, but coldness or however in the shit you say it...that's a side effect. Anyway, we spent the better part of four hours in a clinic today with her hooked up to an IV getting Iron pumped into her system. She has to repeat that every Friday for 8 weeks or something. Ok, so here's the MORALE OF THE STORY: Guys - if your wife tries to cook your ass in your sleep, take her to the doctor. She probably has low iron. ---------------------------------- Let's twizneet: @davemhuffman

Photo Linked to Source

Here's what my wife does every single night. Even in the heat of the f@cking summertime.

Puts our son to bed, brushes her teeth or possibly some combination including a shower, maybe grabs a snack or glass of wine, then she TURNS THE HEAT TO HELL.

For those of you not following my reference, she cranks that shit to about 77 degrees.

Why in the holy balls does 77 degrees outside feel great, but it feels like the god damn Gobi Desert indoors? I don't get it. I wake up at least 4 nights a week and deliriously roam the house about 5 minutes from heat stroke, looking for water.

Ha, I seriously just pulled the spelling of "delirious" completely out of my ass. That was awesome.

So, to make a long story short - we just found out that she has Iron Deficiency Anemia.

One of the top side affects? Survey says...."being cold".

I don't know if that's exactly how it is listed, but coldness or however in the shit you say it...that's a side effect.

Anyway, we spent the better part of four hours in a clinic today with her hooked up to an IV getting Iron pumped into her system. She has to repeat that every Friday for 8 weeks or something.

Ok, so here's the MORALE OF THE STORY:

Guys - if your wife tries to cook your ass in your sleep, take her to the doctor. She probably has low iron.

----------------------------------

Let's twizneet: @davemhuffman
]]> Sat, 16 Jan 2010 11:20:04 GMT A612F335E73FF34200EFF1B221A1C8BE Why Minivans Kick So Much Incredible Ass http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=161906 I drive a minivan. And yep, I was the dude that said I never would. If you're scoffing at me, then you're next in line to get one, I guarantee it. Don't believe me? We traded in a 2007 Lexus ES 350 for a 2006 Chevy Uplander and it was the best decision I've made in my life. Reasons below. THEY RUN LIKE A STRIPE'D ASS APE My dad used to say that all the time and I had no idea what he was talking about. I still don't know how a stripe'd ass ape runs but, one day I was pulling out onto the highway and I mashed the pedal to the floor. I could've have swore that I was going to hit 85 miles per hour and rocket into the future like I was in the DeLorean or something and Doc Brown was going to pop out and yell &quot;Where we're going we don't neeeeeed roads!&quot; THEY MAKE A STATEMENT No that tattoo you got last week doesn't do the trick anymore. Everyone has a tattoo. Sure, it's cool...but it doesn't make the statement it once did. DRIVING A MINI VAN DOES. When I turn a corner, gas it and squeal the tires in a mini van, everyone knows that I mean business. Everyone knows that I could give a shit less about the cool factor of my car. And in a reverse way, that makes me cool. THEY ARE CONVENTIONAL AS HELL Eight kids, two dogs, and couple of adults? I'll drive! Plus, everyone can watch the latest episode of whatever in the hell their favorite show is because I have one of those sweet ass flip down DVD players. Wife kicks me out? Who cares...I'll live in the min van. It's almost like an apartment. THEY ARE CHEAP (For the Most Part) Sure, you've got your Cadillac of mini vans. The $35,000 - $45,000 fully loaded ones. But we found one for $10,000. That shit was paid off the day we drove it off the lot. You know what that means? No car payment. We were paying close to $800 a month for that Lexus, plus the insurance was high. That's close to $12,000 a year we're saving. The future is financial freedom...not looking cool. That bullshit is for the 80's. ------------------------------------------------------------- Let's twiggidy twizneet: @davemhuffman


I drive a minivan. And yep, I was the dude that said I never would. If you're scoffing at me, then you're next in line to get one, I guarantee it. Don't believe me? We traded in a 2007 Lexus ES 350 for a 2006 Chevy Uplander and it was the best decision I've made in my life. Reasons below.

THEY RUN LIKE A STRIPE'D ASS APE

My dad used to say that all the time and I had no idea what he was talking about. I still don't know how a stripe'd ass ape runs but, one day I was pulling out onto the highway and I mashed the pedal to the floor. I could've have swore that I was going to hit 85 miles per hour and rocket into the future like I was in the DeLorean or something and Doc Brown was going to pop out and yell "Where we're going we don't neeeeeed roads!"

THEY MAKE A STATEMENT

No that tattoo you got last week doesn't do the trick anymore. Everyone has a tattoo. Sure, it's cool...but it doesn't make the statement it once did. DRIVING A MINI VAN DOES. When I turn a corner, gas it and squeal the tires in a mini van, everyone knows that I mean business. Everyone knows that I could give a shit less about the cool factor of my car. And in a reverse way, that makes me cool.

THEY ARE CONVENTIONAL AS HELL

Eight kids, two dogs, and couple of adults? I'll drive! Plus, everyone can watch the latest episode of whatever in the hell their favorite show is because I have one of those sweet ass flip down DVD players. Wife kicks me out? Who cares...I'll live in the min van. It's almost like an apartment.

THEY ARE CHEAP (For the Most Part)

Sure, you've got your Cadillac of mini vans. The $35,000 - $45,000 fully loaded ones. But we found one for $10,000. That shit was paid off the day we drove it off the lot. You know what that means? No car payment. We were paying close to $800 a month for that Lexus, plus the insurance was high. That's close to $12,000 a year we're saving. The future is financial freedom...not looking cool. That bullshit is for the 80's.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Let's twiggidy twizneet: @davemhuffman
]]> Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:08:13 GMT B6D6B4D930EFFA48348764048640E206 Dave's House - Bedtime for Howie - Guster Cover http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=78111 I always try and play a song for Howie right before his bedtime. &nbsp;I believe this was a Friday or Saturday. &nbsp;Guster melodies are perfect for kids. &nbsp;I've been told that Freely melodies are as well. &nbsp;If you have any video of kids singing Jakob Freely songs, I'd love you forever if you emailed them to info@jakobfreely.com

]]> Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:55:00 GMT 6E968A12DDFB3602F8E5A430E702E772 Dave's House - Verve Cover - Drugs Don't Work http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=72783 ]]> Sat, 05 Sep 2009 06:03:48 GMT 71B7EB86095E794BC6017D701F8792DE Blocked... http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=55636 I can't think of a damn thing today.... Shawnda said my blogs make us look like white trash rednecks.&nbsp; I What do you think?
Shawnda said my blogs make us look like white trash rednecks.  I

What do you think?

]]> Thu, 06 Aug 2009 02:32:43 GMT A5208F6A143A35325F9A9D866C973155 Mt. Vesuvias http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=53699 I don't even know if that's how you spell that,&nbsp;but I have it in my garage.&nbsp; In the form of mouse&nbsp;shit.&nbsp; I've written before that I live in a hell hole and every day I stumble upon something else that confirms that&nbsp;I'm not being a drama queen about it. This was another one of those things. Does a mouse actually shit onto a pile?&nbsp; Or maybe this&nbsp;was a rat&nbsp;and it had a ton of shit.&nbsp; If so,&nbsp;when he finished, he went back to his buddies like &quot;Damn...don't go over there!&quot; I just realized that this is going to be another post about poop.&nbsp; Or shit, or whatever you call it. The reason&nbsp;I just&nbsp;realized&nbsp;that is because when I was mowing last week I noticed that Emmitt had shit on the edge&nbsp;of the slide in the backyard.&nbsp; Back in February or so, when we lived in Ohio,&nbsp;he shit on the edge of our fence.&nbsp; I posted the&nbsp;pic on this blog, you&nbsp;might be able to dig for it...actually,&nbsp;I'll just&nbsp;post it below. He did the same thing to the slide out in the backyard.&nbsp; And I know&nbsp;it's real.&nbsp; I've seen him lift his ass up and shit on the side of a tree before.&nbsp; Almost as if&nbsp;marking his territory with piss isn't enough.&nbsp; He has&nbsp;to make&nbsp;it so passersby go&nbsp;&quot;God damn!&nbsp; Don't go over&nbsp;there!&quot; &nbsp;Anyways, this is what this mouse is doing.&nbsp; No, not shitting on top of things...he's marking his territory with a mountain of turds.&nbsp; Any tips?&nbsp; I've never been successful in getting rid of mice.&nbsp; I don't think I've ever seen a mouse trap work...ever.
This was another one of those things.

Does a mouse actually shit onto a pile?  Or maybe this was a rat and it had a ton of shit.  If so, when he finished, he went back to his buddies like "Damn...don't go over there!"

I just realized that this is going to be another post about poop.  Or shit, or whatever you call it.

The reason I just realized that is because when I was mowing last week I noticed that Emmitt had shit on the edge of the slide in the backyard.  Back in February or so, when we lived in Ohio, he shit on the edge of our fence.  I posted the pic on this blog, you might be able to dig for it...actually, I'll just post it below.



He did the same thing to the slide out in the backyard.  And I know it's real.  I've seen him lift his ass up and shit on the side of a tree before.  Almost as if marking his territory with piss isn't enough.  He has to make it so passersby go "God damn!  Don't go over there!"

 Anyways, this is what this mouse is doing.  No, not shitting on top of things...he's marking his territory with a mountain of turds. 

Any tips?  I've never been successful in getting rid of mice.  I don't think I've ever seen a mouse trap work...ever.

]]> Mon, 03 Aug 2009 20:14:43 GMT F5018063B2A316CD75CE78D7AD3C92AD BLOG FLASHBACK :: March 14th, 2006 or 2007(?) - Dayton/Memphis/Nashville http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=51693 Below is a blog from a weekend on the road back in either 2006 or 2007, I can't remember.&nbsp; We learned a lot on this trip.&nbsp; Mainly that Dennis had the creepiest text rington ever and that you can survive off of hotel continental breakfast, even if you aren't staying there... Oh. It was a weekend of firsts. First time as Jakob Freely in Tennessee. First time sleeping in the car. First time taking a shower at a truckstop. We played a show on Thursday with our dudez One Less Distraction in Dayton, OH. Pretty nice show, we weren't happy with how we performed, but the feedback was good. I'm getting some kind of TB in my lungs. Bobby keeps calling it the Eagle Flu, and I've been calling it SARS. We'll see when it develops. But it affected my voice, that's all I know. Our time going through Memphis and Nashville made me realize one thing. That we're freaking thugs on the road. After the show on Friday we drove about 30 miles out of Memphis and pulled over at a BP. I turned off the car and tried to fall asleep sitting completely straight up. I mean, I was sitting so straight that I was closer to leaning forward. Dennis was in the back seat mumbling creepy ass nothings in his sleep while the ringtone on his phone repeated &quot;Grandma got ran over by a reindeer....&quot; I thought we'd be slaughtered any minute...it felt like a horror movie. We finally awoke around 5:30 a.m. after a couple hours and drove about 45 more miles and fell asleep at another truck stop. After that one we stumbled down the road about an hour or so and landed at yet another truck stop for a hot shower. Five bucks gets you a hot shower at a truck stop. Yea, you might walk away with AIDS on your feet from the floor, but you'll feel better and you don't have to spend money on a hotel. I'll tell you another thing we discovered you don't have to spend money on while you're on the road. Sex. I'm kidding, I mean breakfast. While Dennis was getting his shower, Bobby and I went down the road to the nearest Days Inn. I parked in the back, and Bobby weaved his way through doors to the front area where the Continental breakfast is held. He proceeded to fill his pockets with honeybuns, apples, orange juice, and the lady there even made him fresh coffee as she asked him how he slept. &quot;Great!&quot; he yawned...&quot;What's the weather going to be like today??&quot; Classic small talk question.
We learned a lot on this trip.  Mainly that Dennis had the creepiest text rington ever and that you can survive off of hotel continental breakfast, even if you aren't staying there...


Oh. It was a weekend of firsts. First time as Jakob Freely in Tennessee. First time sleeping in the car. First time taking a shower at a truckstop. We played a show on Thursday with our dudez One Less Distraction in Dayton, OH. Pretty nice show, we weren't happy with how we performed, but the feedback was good. I'm getting some kind of TB in my lungs. Bobby keeps calling it the Eagle Flu, and I've been calling it SARS. We'll see when it develops. But it affected my voice, that's all I know. Our time going through Memphis and Nashville made me realize one thing. That we're freaking thugs on the road. After the show on Friday we drove about 30 miles out of Memphis and pulled over at a BP.

I turned off the car and tried to fall asleep sitting completely straight up. I mean, I was sitting so straight that I was closer to leaning forward. Dennis was in the back seat mumbling creepy ass nothings in his sleep while the ringtone on his phone repeated "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer...." I thought we'd be slaughtered any minute...it felt like a horror movie. We finally awoke around 5:30 a.m. after a couple hours and drove about 45 more miles and fell asleep at another truck stop. After that one we stumbled down the road about an hour or so and landed at yet another truck stop for a hot shower. Five bucks gets you a hot shower at a truck stop. Yea, you might walk away with AIDS on your feet from the floor, but you'll feel better and you don't have to spend money on a hotel. I'll tell you another thing we discovered you don't have to spend money on while you're on the road. Sex. I'm kidding, I mean breakfast.

While Dennis was getting his shower, Bobby and I went down the road to the nearest Days Inn. I parked in the back, and Bobby weaved his way through doors to the front area where the Continental breakfast is held. He proceeded to fill his pockets with honeybuns, apples, orange juice, and the lady there even made him fresh coffee as she asked him how he slept. "Great!" he yawned..."What's the weather going to be like today??" Classic small talk question.]]> Fri, 31 Jul 2009 21:20:07 GMT EC0C7C2EEA25A1509FD17D15D97EC97E BLOG FLAHSBACK :: March 30th, 2005 - Mo'head again...Crazy Bastards http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=51082 The following is a journal entry after a show in Morehead, KY back in 2005.&nbsp; I'm going to be recycling these to transfer them over to this page.&nbsp; I gotta tell you...I start most of these journal entries with things like &quot;Oh&quot; and &quot;Man&quot; and &quot;Jesus&quot; because it makes everything sound more dramatic and I guess kind of sets the tone for what I'm about to dramatize. But I'm for real this time. We played another show down in Morehead for the Delt and TEK Frats at a place called the Cider House. Our buddy Bryan Gavin of One Less Distraction joined us to play some O.L.D tunes beforehand. And I'm serious. You'll never understand how f*king crazy they are down there. There aren't enough words in the english language to do it justice. After 4 hours on the road we finally arrived and the first thing the lady who owned the place said when she saw us is &quot;I gotta talk to you and you're not going to like it...&quot; So Bobby goes into panic mode...and I just walk away because I'm kind of a puss when it comes to initial confrontation. But anyways, they double booked us with another band. Fast forward a bit...Big Joe from the Delts came in and laid the hammer down...the other band was cool as hell...the show went on. Right before we went on some crazy asshole completely shattered a urinal in the men's restroom. No, you don't understand. I don't think you could even do this with dynamite...the damage he did. I don't know how he got it into that many peices. Then someone ripped the toilet stall out of the floor. Fuckers were spilling beers everywhere...jumping up onstage. I don't know what it is man, but you'd think sometimes we were fucking Pantera or something the way people react at our shows. About 3/4 of the time we play a show in our hometown a fight breaks out at the end of the night. Weird. But, somewhere in the night we lost Gavin and his crew. Bobby tried to call him a few times to no avail. Hope he makes it back to Dayton. Check in with his journal...I bet they got lost and stumbled upon some woodsmen. Speaking of woodsmen, Bobby called me in his drunking stupor to tell me that he was in jail. He sounded very distraught and concerned that he was going to be in a lot of trouble. Keep in mind we are deep in the backhills of Kentucky. I ask him what happened and he said...and I quote...&quot;We were standing out by the fire and then I looked over and a Mountain Man ran out of the woods and was about to ass rape Skeens, so I flipped out and beat the shit out of him...so the sheriff arrested me.&quot; I just went ahead and hung up as he was laughing in my ear. Oh well, all in all it was a damn good night. The people love to party down there...harder than anywhere I've been in awhile. So it always makes for a good time.
I gotta tell you...I start most of these journal entries with things like "Oh" and "Man" and "Jesus" because it makes everything sound more dramatic and I guess kind of sets the tone for what I'm about to dramatize. But I'm for real this time. We played another show down in Morehead for the Delt and TEK Frats at a place called the Cider House. Our buddy Bryan Gavin of One Less Distraction joined us to play some O.L.D tunes beforehand. And I'm serious. You'll never understand how f*king crazy they are down there. There aren't enough words in the english language to do it justice. After 4 hours on the road we finally arrived and the first thing the lady who owned the place said when she saw us is "I gotta talk to you and you're not going to like it..." So Bobby goes into panic mode...and I just walk away because I'm kind of a puss when it comes to initial confrontation. But anyways, they double booked us with another band. Fast forward a bit...Big Joe from the Delts came in and laid the hammer down...the other band was cool as hell...the show went on.

Right before we went on some crazy asshole completely shattered a urinal in the men's restroom. No, you don't understand. I don't think you could even do this with dynamite...the damage he did. I don't know how he got it into that many peices. Then someone ripped the toilet stall out of the floor. Fuckers were spilling beers everywhere...jumping up onstage. I don't know what it is man, but you'd think sometimes we were fucking Pantera or something the way people react at our shows. About 3/4 of the time we play a show in our hometown a fight breaks out at the end of the night. Weird. But, somewhere in the night we lost Gavin and his crew.

Bobby tried to call him a few times to no avail. Hope he makes it back to Dayton. Check in with his journal...I bet they got lost and stumbled upon some woodsmen. Speaking of woodsmen, Bobby called me in his drunking stupor to tell me that he was in jail. He sounded very distraught and concerned that he was going to be in a lot of trouble. Keep in mind we are deep in the backhills of Kentucky. I ask him what happened and he said...and I quote..."We were standing out by the fire and then I looked over and a Mountain Man ran out of the woods and was about to ass rape Skeens, so I flipped out and beat the shit out of him...so the sheriff arrested me." I just went ahead and hung up as he was laughing in my ear. Oh well, all in all it was a damn good night. The people love to party down there...harder than anywhere I've been in awhile. So it always makes for a good time.

]]> Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:35:00 GMT A0887E1DC34DCB9B65C97D981598108D When the cat's away... http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=50886 The mice will play.&nbsp; Is that what they say?&nbsp; Down by the bay, while we eat some hay and watch our hair turn gray.&nbsp;&nbsp;I just may...&nbsp; As soon as I noticed that was going to rhyme I had to finish the Adam Sandler reference. Anyways, I don't much feel like a mouse.&nbsp; More like some kind of god damn beast dragon hawk lion cow.&nbsp; And I try to convince Howie of that now too because if he's gonna grow up and be a good person he needs to know that Dad is just nuts enough to do some crazy shit if he fucks up. But for now we'll just put that aside because I think with him being 16 months, it'd just cause more trauma.&nbsp; So I'll act like a DragonHawkLionCow and chase him around the house, but all in good fun.&nbsp; Moo'ing and farting and stuff... When he's 10 years old though,&nbsp;ol' Dragonhawk Dad will take on a new life.&nbsp; A new personality.&nbsp; It'll start off subtlely, only emerging when he screws up.&nbsp; But by the time he's 15, I'll have a new name.&nbsp; I don't know what it'll be yet, but he'll be so scared to sneak out or do anything that he'll shit himself just thinking about it.&nbsp; Something along the same lines as Atreyu or Snuphaluphagus.&nbsp; Snuph used to scare the holy shit out of me.&nbsp; I was terrified of him.&nbsp; If he was my dad I don't know what I would've done. Ok, maybe I won't do all that...I can talk a good game.&nbsp; If you don't know me. The picture above is a snapshot of the basement. I can wreck a house faster than anyone or anything I know.&nbsp; And with Howie on my side, man we are a couple of mean son of a bitches.&nbsp; The only thing missing is a bunch of gooey shit smudged all over the place and I'm about 5 minutes from making that happen if I don't finish this blog in the next 30 seconds. If you look closely at the picture it even looks like the dog is dead.&nbsp; He is. No, he's not calm down. Ok, I just checked and&nbsp;he is. No he's not he just moved. I recorded a few tunes last night.&nbsp; One of which was a lullaby that Shawnda and I wrote for Howie before he was born.&nbsp; Shawnda actually wrote the chorus.&nbsp; <a target="_new" href="./downloads.cfm">You can download it here.&nbsp; It's called Mama Said, but we also call it Bed Bugs. I need to get a shower too.&nbsp; I smell like the inside of a goat's ass.&nbsp; Til tomorrow.

The mice will play.  Is that what they say?  Down by the bay, while we eat some hay and watch our hair turn gray.  I just may... 

As soon as I noticed that was going to rhyme I had to finish the Adam Sandler reference.

Anyways, I don't much feel like a mouse.  More like some kind of god damn beast dragon hawk lion cow.  And I try to convince Howie of that now too because if he's gonna grow up and be a good person he needs to know that Dad is just nuts enough to do some crazy shit if he fucks up.

But for now we'll just put that aside because I think with him being 16 months, it'd just cause more trauma.  So I'll act like a DragonHawkLionCow and chase him around the house, but all in good fun.  Moo'ing and farting and stuff...

When he's 10 years old though, ol' Dragonhawk Dad will take on a new life.  A new personality.  It'll start off subtlely, only emerging when he screws up.  But by the time he's 15, I'll have a new name.  I don't know what it'll be yet, but he'll be so scared to sneak out or do anything that he'll shit himself just thinking about it.  Something along the same lines as Atreyu or Snuphaluphagus.  Snuph used to scare the holy shit out of me.  I was terrified of him.  If he was my dad I don't know what I would've done.

Ok, maybe I won't do all that...I can talk a good game.  If you don't know me.

The picture above is a snapshot of the basement.

I can wreck a house faster than anyone or anything I know.  And with Howie on my side, man we are a couple of mean son of a bitches.  The only thing missing is a bunch of gooey shit smudged all over the place and I'm about 5 minutes from making that happen if I don't finish this blog in the next 30 seconds.

If you look closely at the picture it even looks like the dog is dead. 

He is.

No, he's not calm down.

Ok, I just checked and he is.

No he's not he just moved.

I recorded a few tunes last night.  One of which was a lullaby that Shawnda and I wrote for Howie before he was born.  Shawnda actually wrote the chorus.  You can download it here.  It's called Mama Said, but we also call it Bed Bugs.

I need to get a shower too.  I smell like the inside of a goat's ass. 

Til tomorrow.


]]> Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:38:57 GMT 2CE5D8AC9B6AAFBA95567BB6B302834A Farting the Family Awake http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=49846 I still hear stories of my mom waking in the middle of the night, visibly shaken, sweaty, scared, heart beating fast, unsure of what in the hell just happened. She describes hearing such a loud noise that she felt as if someone broke in and opened fire on us or set off a bomb. Turns out it was my dad.&nbsp; He can fart with such power that it will leave you standing in disbelief.&nbsp; And by disbelief I mean that it'll even make you question God.&nbsp; Sometimes I would hear this from my room and it would wake me as well.&nbsp; Only I would laugh and wonder if I would ever inherit such a gift.&nbsp; After years of waiting, I unleashed this power last night. Shawnda was fast asleep.&nbsp; I felt a rumble in my stomach.&nbsp; So I let it go.&nbsp; What occured next completely blew my mind.&nbsp; Shawnda frantically awoke, &quot;What happened?!&nbsp; Is everyone ok?!&quot;&nbsp; Howie started crying from the next room... I had done it.&nbsp; Then after everyone had calmed and fell back asleep, I did it again for good measure.&nbsp; Same results.&nbsp; I'm now ready to take on my father. Few tragedies in this world will challenge your beliefs.&nbsp; Kind of mind blowing that a fart can hold the same power.&nbsp; And not in the sense that it usually does, by smelling foul.&nbsp; But by the noise it generates.&nbsp; The sheer decibels that can raise your heartbeat and instill fear. We can force air from our ass at such a loud volume that it can scare women, confuse children, and on occasion, make people sick.&nbsp; That's a super power man...compare that to some shit that the X-Men can do.&nbsp; I'm serious. I've been laughing all morning thinking about it... On to other things. I'll be restructuring the website here soon.&nbsp; Keep your eyes open.&nbsp; The blogs are already a &quot;main page&quot; whereas they used to be a subpage.&nbsp; I'm also going to feature the downloads more and make it easier for you to share some of this stuff if you'd like. August 28th, JF &amp; the MTB will be playing at the Trolley Stop in Dayton, OH.&nbsp; That should be super fun.&nbsp; On the 29th I'll be doing a short acoustic set in Chillicothe, OH for the Aaron Reed Memorial Benefit.&nbsp; Right now I'm just having a blast recording stuff here at the house.&nbsp; I've been posting stuff at the Free Downloads section instead of the bedroom demos, in case you're into that kind of thing.
She describes hearing such a loud noise that she felt as if someone broke in and opened fire on us or set off a bomb.

Turns out it was my dad.  He can fart with such power that it will leave you standing in disbelief.  And by disbelief I mean that it'll even make you question God. 

Sometimes I would hear this from my room and it would wake me as well.  Only I would laugh and wonder if I would ever inherit such a gift. 

After years of waiting, I unleashed this power last night.

Shawnda was fast asleep.  I felt a rumble in my stomach.  So I let it go.  What occured next completely blew my mind. 

Shawnda frantically awoke, "What happened?!  Is everyone ok?!"  Howie started crying from the next room...

I had done it. 

Then after everyone had calmed and fell back asleep, I did it again for good measure.  Same results. 

I'm now ready to take on my father.

Few tragedies in this world will challenge your beliefs.  Kind of mind blowing that a fart can hold the same power.  And not in the sense that it usually does, by smelling foul.  But by the noise it generates.  The sheer decibels that can raise your heartbeat and instill fear.

We can force air from our ass at such a loud volume that it can scare women, confuse children, and on occasion, make people sick.  That's a super power man...compare that to some shit that the X-Men can do.  I'm serious.

I've been laughing all morning thinking about it...

On to other things.

I'll be restructuring the website here soon.  Keep your eyes open.  The blogs are already a "main page" whereas they used to be a subpage.  I'm also going to feature the downloads more and make it easier for you to share some of this stuff if you'd like.

August 28th, JF & the MTB will be playing at the Trolley Stop in Dayton, OH.  That should be super fun.  On the 29th I'll be doing a short acoustic set in Chillicothe, OH for the Aaron Reed Memorial Benefit. 

Right now I'm just having a blast recording stuff here at the house.  I've been posting stuff at the Free Downloads section instead of the bedroom demos, in case you're into that kind of thing.





]]> Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:15:00 GMT 79AE2C91C1BE275394A702A2FA51B150 Little. Yellow. Different. http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=49085 I have woke up the last 2 days with a damn headache.&nbsp; I thought it was because I wasn't drinking enough water...ingesting entirely too much coffee.&nbsp; So, I slammed a big ass thing of water before I went to bed last night, which was dumb of me.&nbsp; All I did was wake up twice having to piss. And boy did I piss.&nbsp; I pissed like the wind.&nbsp; I could've probably used my piss stream to sandblast the graffitti off the bridge downtown.&nbsp; And when you're tired like that it just fucking goes everywhere.&nbsp; So pissing in the middle of the night when you are operating a fire hose becomes a very dramatic event.&nbsp; People screaming for help, fire raging, etc. Or at least that's what goes through my head.&nbsp; I actually just get up, stumble into the bathroom and fall back into bed when I'm done. One time I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock's muffled cries and some jumping sparks.&nbsp; My brother was half asleep pissing all over my alarm clock that was right by my face.&nbsp; So I jumped up and yelled at him...directing him to the bathroom as he pissed all over everything the entire way. By &quot;Little, Yellow...&quot;&nbsp; I didn't mean that this blog was going to be just about pissing.&nbsp; I'm not some kind of Golden Shower freak or anything.&nbsp; I just start typing whatever comes out is what you read.&nbsp; Next week could be about Steamers or the Cincinnati Bow Tie...you never know. So, back to the headaches. I took a couple Motrin this morning.&nbsp; And man, them shits are amazing.&nbsp; Two of those things could cure AIDS, I'm almost positive.&nbsp; I've been writing a lot.&nbsp; Or at least trying to.&nbsp; I found a few melodies swirling around in my head.&nbsp; Just looking for some stories.&nbsp; I just wrote one from the perspective of a Transgender person who is going through a rough time.&nbsp; How's that for deep material?&nbsp; Freely never played anything like that ;) Bloggy blog.&nbsp; I just felt like typing that.&nbsp; Please share these.&nbsp; Until I start playing shows again, it's one of the only ways I'll be able to stay in touch with you.&nbsp; Ok, yea I know shit exists like phones and morse code, but I was hoping I could get back to people actually reading these...
And boy did I piss.  I pissed like the wind.  I could've probably used my piss stream to sandblast the graffitti off the bridge downtown.  And when you're tired like that it just fucking goes everywhere.  So pissing in the middle of the night when you are operating a fire hose becomes a very dramatic event.  People screaming for help, fire raging, etc.

Or at least that's what goes through my head.  I actually just get up, stumble into the bathroom and fall back into bed when I'm done.

One time I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock's muffled cries and some jumping sparks.  My brother was half asleep pissing all over my alarm clock that was right by my face.  So I jumped up and yelled at him...directing him to the bathroom as he pissed all over everything the entire way.

By "Little, Yellow..."  I didn't mean that this blog was going to be just about pissing.  I'm not some kind of Golden Shower freak or anything.  I just start typing whatever comes out is what you read.  Next week could be about Steamers or the Cincinnati Bow Tie...you never know.

So, back to the headaches.

I took a couple Motrin this morning.  And man, them shits are amazing.  Two of those things could cure AIDS, I'm almost positive. 

I've been writing a lot.  Or at least trying to.  I found a few melodies swirling around in my head.  Just looking for some stories.  I just wrote one from the perspective of a Transgender person who is going through a rough time.  How's that for deep material?  Freely never played anything like that ;)

Bloggy blog. 

I just felt like typing that. 

Please share these.  Until I start playing shows again, it's one of the only ways I'll be able to stay in touch with you.  Ok, yea I know shit exists like phones and morse code, but I was hoping I could get back to people actually reading these...

]]> Tue, 28 Jul 2009 20:26:06 GMT AD18BF4C21B7F857F40EC40ADE7BEE82 Your Rap Laugh http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=48981 I wonder what my rap laugh would be?&nbsp; A buddy of mine who is really into hip/hop said it would be like Jadakiss.&nbsp; I don't really know what Jadakiss sounds like.&nbsp; From what I remember he sounds kind of like a pirate gangsta.&nbsp; Kind of scraggly voice with a slice of ghetto on the side.&nbsp; So I imagine his rap laugh is kind of evil sounding. I always go for the Grandmaster Flash rap laugh.&nbsp; The &quot;Ha, huh huh ha ha ha...&quot;&nbsp; But it's really typical I think. Pay attention to rap laughs today when you're thumbing through the radio dial.
I always go for the Grandmaster Flash rap laugh.  The "Ha, huh huh ha ha ha..."  But it's really typical I think.

Pay attention to rap laughs today when you're thumbing through the radio dial.]]> Mon, 27 Jul 2009 23:39:18 GMT 2A9FCB4CC7E6FCAF4EE0C2DA7100166E How to Mow a Junkyard http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=48763 You just straight run over shit...that's what you do. We moved into this hell hole in Indiana.&nbsp; I shouldn't say it's a hell hole because most of it is actually pretty nice.&nbsp; But the yard is a straight ass field.&nbsp; I don't know what an ass field is, but it would suck unless all the asses were, nevermind. Anyways, so I have to mow today.&nbsp; And it has seriously become one of the worst things I've ever had to do in my life.&nbsp; It literally takes me a fucking week to get the balls to actually go out and do it.&nbsp; Why is it so hard&nbsp; for you to mow your yard Dave?&nbsp; Well, shit, thanks for asking. It's hard because its like mowing in the&nbsp;middle of Vietnam.&nbsp; If you were in Vietnam, you're gonna think I'm the biggest douche of all times for using that analogy, but&nbsp;aside from the&nbsp;napalm and rapid machine gun fire, it's kind of close. First off there is god damn cans, bottles, tree&nbsp;limbs, dog shit,&nbsp;spiders, monsters, midgets, fast passing cars... Ok, no monsters and midgets. And the spiders aren't a big deal.&nbsp; They are&nbsp;just Brown Recluse.&nbsp; Which means&nbsp;if they bite you, your fucking legs will fall&nbsp;off.&nbsp; No big deal. So why don't you pick up your yard Dave?&nbsp; Hell, you think of everything don't you? The reason is the shitstain hellhole I live in is literally almost on top of a road.&nbsp; And since I now live in the Meth capital of the world (yes it really is) people just throw their god damn trash out on the road like its fucking Rumpke trash heap. So fuck it.&nbsp; I'll just run over the shit and blow it out into the street all shredded and mangled. Secondly, since my front yard is a road, I have to watch my ass like a freak morph version of some kind of Eagle/Owl/Hawk thing. Because if someone swerves just a tiny bit, I'm a goner.&nbsp; How in the hell do you spell &quot;goner?&quot;&nbsp; It looks like &quot;boner&quot; with a &quot;g&quot;... Anyways...I was about to go mow and it started raining dick and balls.&nbsp; So I'm gonna let it grow taller than hell now. Howie and I just recorded a tune.&nbsp; You can get it at the free downloads page.&nbsp; We got the cicadas in my backyard to chip in on vocals. -Dave &nbsp; You just straight run over shit...that's what you do.

We moved into this hell hole in Indiana.  I shouldn't say it's a hell hole because most of it is actually pretty nice.  But the yard is a straight ass field.  I don't know what an ass field is, but it would suck unless all the asses were, nevermind.

Anyways, so I have to mow today.  And it has seriously become one of the worst things I've ever had to do in my life.  It literally takes me a fucking week to get the balls to actually go out and do it. 

Why is it so hard  for you to mow your yard Dave? 

Well, shit, thanks for asking.

It's hard because its like mowing in the middle of Vietnam.  If you were in Vietnam, you're gonna think I'm the biggest douche of all times for using that analogy, but aside from the napalm and rapid machine gun fire, it's kind of close.

First off there is god damn cans, bottles, tree limbs, dog shit, spiders, monsters, midgets, fast passing cars...

Ok, no monsters and midgets.

And the spiders aren't a big deal.  They are just Brown Recluse.  Which means if they bite you, your fucking legs will fall off.  No big deal.

So why don't you pick up your yard Dave? 

Hell, you think of everything don't you?

The reason is the shitstain hellhole I live in is literally almost on top of a road.  And since I now live in the Meth capital of the world (yes it really is) people just throw their god damn trash out on the road like its fucking Rumpke trash heap.

So fuck it.  I'll just run over the shit and blow it out into the street all shredded and mangled.

Secondly, since my front yard is a road, I have to watch my ass like a freak morph version of some kind of Eagle/Owl/Hawk thing.

Because if someone swerves just a tiny bit, I'm a goner.  How in the hell do you spell "goner?"  It looks like "boner" with a "g"...

Anyways...I was about to go mow and it started raining dick and balls.  So I'm gonna let it grow taller than hell now.

Howie and I just recorded a tune.  You can get it at the free downloads page.  We got the cicadas in my backyard to chip in on vocals.

-Dave

 

]]> Sat, 25 Jul 2009 21:44:02 GMT 9883AC4384B383FB5AF898AB6FC3C134 How to win a fight http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=45485 Howie is sitting here ripping the ass end out of some waffles I just made for him.&nbsp; He's starting to grab handfuls of them and shove them in his mouth.&nbsp; Which makes me want to shit my pants.&nbsp; If he'd choke I'd probably scream like a girl... Freelyfest was this past weekend.&nbsp; It was nice as usual.&nbsp; It didn't really seem to grow any this year.&nbsp; Although there were more campers.&nbsp; Probably because we didn't charge for camping ;)&nbsp; A couple of stupid assholes started fights and one SUPER DOUCHROCKET threw a beer up onstage during our set and I threatened to jump into the crowd to find him. He didn't throw another one...Honestly, if he did I don't know what I would've done.&nbsp; Sacrifice the rest of the set to make an example of someone or eat shit and look like a puss for threatening someone and not following through? I don't know.&nbsp; And anytime I've ever got into a fight, it's usually a decision I don't necessarily make.&nbsp; I just react...like a god damn Bruce Lee or something. One time I reacted like I was Stone Cold Steve Austin and I tried to do a Stone Cold Stunner on someone.&nbsp; It didn't work at all.&nbsp; I should've known better.&nbsp; I've been in enough scraps to know what works and what doesn't.&nbsp; For example, unless you really know what you are doing, any type of organized fighting doesn't work in a fight.&nbsp; Things like boxing, karate, etc.&nbsp; If you aren't practiced in any of those forms, DO NOT ATTEMPT.&nbsp; Just go to the ground with it and do what you can. Or as a dude in my hometown used to say &quot;Bud, I'm not much up top, but I'm a bitch on the ground.&quot; So anyways, I tried to Stone Cold Stun this dude and naturally he didn't gracefully fall onto my shoulder as I let go of my feet to hit the ground. Once I hit the ground, all his friends descended upon me and started kicking the shit out of me.&nbsp; A buddy of mine (Rick Collins) saved the day by literally tackling everyone of them. Then I got up, found an weedwacker, started it and started lunging at people with it... Howie's trying to climb out of his chair...hold on. I'm back. Turns out, no one wants to get hit by a weedeater, so they all ended up leaving. Ok, it wasn't that simple, but they did start leaving after that. That's how you win a fight.&nbsp; Find a weapon that is so unconventional that it scares the shit out of people.&nbsp; If I pulled a gun, they all would've probably been like &quot;Whatever dude, you're not going to use that!&quot; But with a weedeater or say a Garden Claw, you start to question things a little bit.&nbsp; &quot;He could really use that thing&nbsp;and it would sting like shit...&quot; Now Howie's pooping and looking at me. So anyways, there you go.&nbsp; Don't ever throw a beer onstage at Freelyfest.&nbsp; I have a weedeater backstage. &nbsp; Howie is sitting here ripping the ass end out of some waffles I just made for him.  He's starting to grab handfuls of them and shove them in his mouth.  Which makes me want to shit my pants.  If he'd choke I'd probably scream like a girl...

Freelyfest was this past weekend.  It was nice as usual.  It didn't really seem to grow any this year.  Although there were more campers.  Probably because we didn't charge for camping ;)  A couple of stupid assholes started fights and one SUPER DOUCHROCKET threw a beer up onstage during our set and I threatened to jump into the crowd to find him.

He didn't throw another one...Honestly, if he did I don't know what I would've done.  Sacrifice the rest of the set to make an example of someone or eat shit and look like a puss for threatening someone and not following through?

I don't know.  And anytime I've ever got into a fight, it's usually a decision I don't necessarily make.  I just react...like a god damn Bruce Lee or something.

One time I reacted like I was Stone Cold Steve Austin and I tried to do a Stone Cold Stunner on someone.  It didn't work at all.  I should've known better.  I've been in enough scraps to know what works and what doesn't. 

For example, unless you really know what you are doing, any type of organized fighting doesn't work in a fight.  Things like boxing, karate, etc.  If you aren't practiced in any of those forms, DO NOT ATTEMPT.  Just go to the ground with it and do what you can.

Or as a dude in my hometown used to say "Bud, I'm not much up top, but I'm a bitch on the ground."

So anyways, I tried to Stone Cold Stun this dude and naturally he didn't gracefully fall onto my shoulder as I let go of my feet to hit the ground.

Once I hit the ground, all his friends descended upon me and started kicking the shit out of me.  A buddy of mine (Rick Collins) saved the day by literally tackling everyone of them.

Then I got up, found an weedwacker, started it and started lunging at people with it...

Howie's trying to climb out of his chair...hold on.

I'm back.

Turns out, no one wants to get hit by a weedeater, so they all ended up leaving.

Ok, it wasn't that simple, but they did start leaving after that.

That's how you win a fight.  Find a weapon that is so unconventional that it scares the shit out of people.  If I pulled a gun, they all would've probably been like "Whatever dude, you're not going to use that!"

But with a weedeater or say a Garden Claw, you start to question things a little bit.  "He could really use that thing and it would sting like shit..."

Now Howie's pooping and looking at me.

So anyways, there you go.  Don't ever throw a beer onstage at Freelyfest.  I have a weedeater backstage.

 

]]> Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:00:00 GMT 884514383D249DB801AE4945C497CD93 Saying Goodbye http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=44935 I feel a song coming on... Sometimes a goodbye is forever.&nbsp; Sometimes its temporary.&nbsp; Sometimes we think its temporary and it ends up being forever.&nbsp; Sometimes we say douche-baggy things like &quot;Goodbyes are forever...&quot; Jeesh.&nbsp; Sorry. This Summer marks the end for Jakob Freely &amp; the Mixtape Bandits.&nbsp; We've spent the last couple years together making the old Freely tunes breathe again and bringing new ones to life.&nbsp; We've released two albums:&nbsp; Look Both Ways and the new Mixtape EP, we've built the Freely following a little more, and at the risk of sounding super cheesy, I met a bunch of great friends and had the time of my life playing music with Blaine, John, Derek, and Adam. If you're on the mailing list, you'll be getting an email from me with some thoughts and a couple of our last show dates. What happened?&nbsp; Some will blame it on my wife taking a new job in Evansville, IN.&nbsp; That definitely sped up the process.&nbsp; The 5-6 hour drive to and from Evansville to go play shows definitely wore me down.&nbsp; And it sucked the life out of Shawnda.&nbsp; To be working all week, then have zero downtime as she has to watch Howie while I'm out of town. So it basically boils down to&nbsp;the goal&nbsp;I made after my son was born that my family would not take a back seat to my career any longer.&nbsp; They have always been almost last on the list. I've booked shows on my wedding anniversary, I've booked shows on my wife's birthday, I've turned down countless fishing trips with my dad, I've missed a TON of time with my friends. With all of those things gone, what in the hell do you really have in life?&nbsp; It sounds great to &quot;live the dream&quot; and be on the road 175 nights a year, playing music, traveling, getting paid for it...but if you can't really share it with your loved ones very often it starts to lose it's meaning. I also rely very heavily on friends and family for writing material.&nbsp; So my writing has went down hill these last couple of years. And along with the above, the day job I picked up in August to be home with Howie and Shawnda more was starting to suffer.&nbsp; In the past, I would've just found another job.&nbsp; ANYTHING to make sure music doesn't suffer. How about doing ANYTHING to make sure my family doesn't suffer?&nbsp; Or my health?&nbsp; No worries, I'll stop all the philosophical self-questioning right now.&nbsp; Here's what is going to happen as I move forward with Jakob Freely. * We'll play two official Mixtape Bandits&nbsp;Good Bye shows.&nbsp; One this Saturday, June 13th at Freelyfest.&nbsp; The other will be at the Mixtape Bandits' festival, Something Fantastic in Logan, OH on September 11th - 13th.&nbsp; At the Something Fantastic Fest, we are working on a nice discount for Freely fans so we can hang out with you one last time. *&nbsp; I will move forward with Jakob Freely.&nbsp; It will be mainly acoustic, home recorded material.&nbsp; Here is what to expect: &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - Shows around the Indiana area &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - An occasional show in Ohio &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - An increase in FREE downloads &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - More interactivity with JakobFreely.com, meaning more consistent blogs, more videos. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - WEBCASTS:&nbsp; I won't be on the road too often so I'll be able to pick&nbsp;a couple days&nbsp;a month to play for you from the privacy of my own home.&nbsp; You'll be able to submit your own setlist.&nbsp; I'll play what you want. That is the basic plan.&nbsp; There is also something in the works with Bobby.&nbsp; A reunion of sorts?&nbsp; Maybe...stay tuned and please, please, please come hang out with us at Freelyfest and Something Fantastic. Thanks for sticking by me and us all these years.&nbsp; It means a lot. Love, Dave
Sometimes a goodbye is forever.  Sometimes its temporary.  Sometimes we think its temporary and it ends up being forever.  Sometimes we say douche-baggy things like "Goodbyes are forever..."

Jeesh.  Sorry.

This Summer marks the end for Jakob Freely & the Mixtape Bandits.  We've spent the last couple years together making the old Freely tunes breathe again and bringing new ones to life.  We've released two albums:  Look Both Ways and the new Mixtape EP, we've built the Freely following a little more, and at the risk of sounding super cheesy, I met a bunch of great friends and had the time of my life playing music with Blaine, John, Derek, and Adam.

If you're on the mailing list, you'll be getting an email from me with some thoughts and a couple of our last show dates.

What happened? 

Some will blame it on my wife taking a new job in Evansville, IN.  That definitely sped up the process.  The 5-6 hour drive to and from Evansville to go play shows definitely wore me down.  And it sucked the life out of Shawnda.  To be working all week, then have zero downtime as she has to watch Howie while I'm out of town.

So it basically boils down to the goal I made after my son was born that my family would not take a back seat to my career any longer.  They have always been almost last on the list.

I've booked shows on my wedding anniversary, I've booked shows on my wife's birthday, I've turned down countless fishing trips with my dad, I've missed a TON of time with my friends.

With all of those things gone, what in the hell do you really have in life?  It sounds great to "live the dream" and be on the road 175 nights a year, playing music, traveling, getting paid for it...but if you can't really share it with your loved ones very often it starts to lose it's meaning.

I also rely very heavily on friends and family for writing material.  So my writing has went down hill these last couple of years.

And along with the above, the day job I picked up in August to be home with Howie and Shawnda more was starting to suffer.  In the past, I would've just found another job.  ANYTHING to make sure music doesn't suffer.

How about doing ANYTHING to make sure my family doesn't suffer?  Or my health? 

No worries, I'll stop all the philosophical self-questioning right now.  Here's what is going to happen as I move forward with Jakob Freely.

* We'll play two official Mixtape Bandits Good Bye shows.  One this Saturday, June 13th at Freelyfest.  The other will be at the Mixtape Bandits' festival, Something Fantastic in Logan, OH on September 11th - 13th.  At the Something Fantastic Fest, we are working on a nice discount for Freely fans so we can hang out with you one last time.

*  I will move forward with Jakob Freely.  It will be mainly acoustic, home recorded material.  Here is what to expect:
    - Shows around the Indiana area
    - An occasional show in Ohio
    - An increase in FREE downloads
    - More interactivity with JakobFreely.com, meaning more consistent blogs, more videos.
    - WEBCASTS:  I won't be on the road too often so I'll be able to pick a couple days a month to play for you from the privacy of my own home.  You'll be able to submit your own setlist.  I'll play what you want.


That is the basic plan. 

There is also something in the works with Bobby.  A reunion of sorts?  Maybe...stay tuned and please, please, please come hang out with us at Freelyfest and Something Fantastic.

Thanks for sticking by me and us all these years.  It means a lot.

Love,

Dave]]> Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:40:00 GMT 908E8BE6AFF7C7A61750AFFC8607DA4C Random Notes... http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=40113 My dog was put down on Saturday.&nbsp; Not Louie or Emmitt.&nbsp; The family dog from my childhood.&nbsp; Her name was Muff.&nbsp; I got her when I was 15, pretty much pushed my parents into getting her.&nbsp; Three years later, I graduated from high school and moved away and there they were, with her for the next 10 years taking care of her.&nbsp; Crazy how fast those 10 years have gone.&nbsp; She was an asskicker for sure. ------------- Recently we were at a show and afterwards we were at the merch table and I was talking to my buddy Bryan.&nbsp; A guy approached Bryan with a miller lite and said &quot;Hey man, I bought this for my buddy and I can't find his ass...you want it?&quot; Bryan said &quot;Sure man, but you didn't put your dick in it or anything did you?&quot; The guy looked at him, furrowed his brow, frowned, and said &quot;Hell no man, I'm from the South...we don't do that shit!&quot; Oh I'm sorry man...us Yankees put our dick in everything.&nbsp; Sorry to offend your homophobic ass. Same thing happened when we had a show in Georgia.&nbsp; Guys that approached the merch table didn't want the Shake it Freely shirts because they were &quot;gay.&quot; ------------------------------------------------------------------ This is kind of random
Crazy how fast those 10 years have gone.  She was an asskicker for sure.

-------------

Recently we were at a show and afterwards we were at the merch table and I was talking to my buddy Bryan.  A guy approached Bryan with a miller lite and said "Hey man, I bought this for my buddy and I can't find his ass...you want it?"

Bryan said "Sure man, but you didn't put your dick in it or anything did you?"

The guy looked at him, furrowed his brow, frowned, and said "Hell no man, I'm from the South...we don't do that shit!"

Oh I'm sorry man...us Yankees put our dick in everything.  Sorry to offend your homophobic ass.

Same thing happened when we had a show in Georgia.  Guys that approached the merch table didn't want the Shake it Freely shirts because they were "gay."

------------------------------------------------------------------

This is kind of random

]]> Wed, 22 Apr 2009 23:06:29 GMT 1B192F63871EE475BF16F0F18C321FF9 Name drop Freely, get out of jail free http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=39356 Well, not exactly, but kind of...the message below from some friends of ours (Two E.B.) after opening for us at Nino's. Check them out at http://www.twoeb.com Oh, they are about to change their name to Yellow Light Maybe, so if you search and can't find it, that's why. hey dude, thanks again for saturday night. we had a blast. looking forward to FreelyFest. ps- Brian wanted me to tell you this: Brian &amp; Ken got pulled over on the way back and the cop asked what they were up to. He said they were on their way back from a show. Guy asked him to get out of car, spread 'em and then made him get in the front seat of cop car and proceeded to flash a light in his eyes for 2 minutes making brian follow the light. Brian had only had 3 beers. all while this was going on, the guy asked Brian about band...he told the cop that we had opened for you guys, the cop heard of Jakob Freely, mentioned he liked Ninos venue and then let Brian off with a warning. so Brian says thanks and is glad he named dropped you guys.
Check them out at http://www.twoeb.com

Oh, they are about to change their name to Yellow Light Maybe, so if you search and can't find it, that's why.

hey dude,

thanks again for saturday night. we had a blast. looking forward to FreelyFest.

ps- Brian wanted me to tell you this:

Brian & Ken got pulled over on the way back and the cop asked what they were up to. He said they were on their way back from a show. Guy asked him to get out of car, spread 'em and then made him get in the front seat of cop car and proceeded to flash a light in his eyes for 2 minutes making brian follow the light. Brian had only had 3 beers. all while this was going on, the guy asked Brian about band...he told the cop that we had opened for you guys, the cop heard of Jakob Freely, mentioned he liked Ninos venue and then let Brian off with a warning.

so Brian says thanks and is glad he named dropped you guys.]]> Tue, 14 Apr 2009 01:14:39 GMT 5FFA394E4B5BADD351E71D292A15BAB1 Blogg Dogg http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=39014 I'm waiting on some clothes to dry and thought I'd drop a blog on yo' ass for the 2009!!!!&nbsp; Yeeeeeeeeeeea Boyyeeeee! I don't know where the Flava Flav came in. So I was watching American Idol tonight and I realized a couple of things.&nbsp; One, the blind dude reminds me of Beavis from Beavis &amp; Butthead.&nbsp; The host of the morning show Shawnda is on actually pointed that out...we concured that it's his hair that does it. And two, the contestants on the show are way better than the guest performers.&nbsp; Except Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson.&nbsp; I thought they both did super good...Flo Rida just plain sucked goat nuts, Kelly Pickler wasn't any better, and even one of my favorite country musicians of all time, Brad Paisely blew sack.&nbsp; Oh and I'm sorry, I meant to mention that Lady Ga Ga is super damn good.&nbsp; And she can play her instrument which is more than I can say for myself.&nbsp; Plus, she used to be a stripper. Is it the board mix going to the tv?&nbsp; I've recorded enough records to know that it's pretty hard to fool people.&nbsp; If you eat shit live, then your record is going to be pretty hard to fake.&nbsp; Yea, you can auto tune and shit, but most people can tell that.&nbsp; For example, Taylor Swift.&nbsp; Great songs,&nbsp;gorgeous soft voice...BAM, straight horse balls in a live situation.&nbsp; But you can tell on her records they just turn her soft little voice up.&nbsp; When she needs to sing over&nbsp;a band it's straight asshole city. Straight Asshole City, Ohio.&nbsp; The City of Assholes.&nbsp; Los Ass holes I'm so tired that I bet if I read this tomorrow I'll be like &quot;What in the holy dog fuck was I writing?&quot; It's only 10:40...or is that 1:40? I'm heading out to California the week after next.&nbsp; Me and my friends Adam and Bryce are going to find Katie Perry and try to hang out with her.&nbsp; Then I'm going to try to get her to go to JakobFreely.com and download the cover&nbsp;we do of &quot;Kissed a Girl.&quot;&nbsp; Then I'm going to call Shawnda and ask if I can use my &quot;celebrity card.&quot; If you don't know what that is then you've never been in a long term relationship. It's the one celebrity you'd be allowed to bang if you met...Shawnda has an entire list of them.&nbsp; I think her new one is the Kris dude from American Idol who kind of looks like a broke ass Jason Mraz.&nbsp; I shouldn't say that, he really doesn't...I'm just mad that my wife wants to bang him.&nbsp; He's actually really good. I think the clothes are dry.&nbsp; Emmitt also just farted and I swear to christ almighty I went back in time for a minute when it hit my nose.&nbsp; It was that strong.&nbsp; Transported me right into the late 70's for some reason.&nbsp; As my dad would say &quot;Geeeez...smells like that thing has been tampered with!&quot;&nbsp; haha...tampered. When our new EP comes out...the Mixtape EP.&nbsp; Grab a copy.&nbsp; Love, David
I don't know where the Flava Flav came in.

So I was watching American Idol tonight and I realized a couple of things.  One, the blind dude reminds me of Beavis from Beavis & Butthead.  The host of the morning show Shawnda is on actually pointed that out...we concured that it's his hair that does it.

And two, the contestants on the show are way better than the guest performers.  Except Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson.  I thought they both did super good...Flo Rida just plain sucked goat nuts, Kelly Pickler wasn't any better, and even one of my favorite country musicians of all time, Brad Paisely blew sack.  Oh and I'm sorry, I meant to mention that Lady Ga Ga is super damn good.  And she can play her instrument which is more than I can say for myself.  Plus, she used to be a stripper.

Is it the board mix going to the tv? 

I've recorded enough records to know that it's pretty hard to fool people.  If you eat shit live, then your record is going to be pretty hard to fake.  Yea, you can auto tune and shit, but most people can tell that. 

For example, Taylor Swift.  Great songs, gorgeous soft voice...BAM, straight horse balls in a live situation.  But you can tell on her records they just turn her soft little voice up.  When she needs to sing over a band it's straight asshole city.

Straight Asshole City, Ohio.  The City of Assholes.  Los Ass holes

I'm so tired that I bet if I read this tomorrow I'll be like "What in the holy dog fuck was I writing?"

It's only 10:40...or is that 1:40?

I'm heading out to California the week after next.  Me and my friends Adam and Bryce are going to find Katie Perry and try to hang out with her.  Then I'm going to try to get her to go to JakobFreely.com and download the cover we do of "Kissed a Girl."  Then I'm going to call Shawnda and ask if I can use my "celebrity card."

If you don't know what that is then you've never been in a long term relationship.

It's the one celebrity you'd be allowed to bang if you met...Shawnda has an entire list of them.  I think her new one is the Kris dude from American Idol who kind of looks like a broke ass Jason Mraz.  I shouldn't say that, he really doesn't...I'm just mad that my wife wants to bang him.  He's actually really good.

I think the clothes are dry.  Emmitt also just farted and I swear to christ almighty I went back in time for a minute when it hit my nose.  It was that strong.  Transported me right into the late 70's for some reason. 

As my dad would say "Geeeez...smells like that thing has been tampered with!"  haha...tampered.

When our new EP comes out...the Mixtape EP.  Grab a copy. 

Love,

David]]> Thu, 09 Apr 2009 08:50:02 GMT 466D001C05E8C94CD1E93566B9AC0D50 Emergency Scenarios... http://jakobfreely.com/davesblog.cfm?feature=93203&postid=38220 This was an old post from our Facebook page.&nbsp; I don't think I ever posted it here.&nbsp;&nbsp; What time is it? I don't know...I just know that my eyes are starting to burn and my head hurts a little, which means it's time for bed. But, I kind of feel like I just wolfed down a red-eye from Starbucks. So maybe not. Louie looked at me a minute ago and barked. Then he whimpered. Then he farted and I seriously felt the clash between Heaven and Hell all through my nostrils. It was right here man. Christ vs. Satan, straight out of Louie's dirty ass. So I figured he needed to go out and take a poop. We actually just got back in from that. But no poop. He just pissed for what felt like 2 1/2 weeks. So it was plenty of time for me to picture a hundred different &quot;I Wonder&quot; scenarios. Scenario #1: You have to take a dump so bad that you call your friends and family to tell them you are about to poop your pants and you love them very much. Much like you would if you were on an airplane and it was going down. Harsh example? No way man. If you've ever been there, then you know it's EXACTLY the same thing. That moment when you realize that you aren't going to make it home in time, is right up there with the scariest moments of reality you'll ever face. It happened to me a few months ago. Luckily, I made it. But I called my mom and said, &quot;Hey mom.&quot; &quot;I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And that I'm about to shit my pants.&quot; Scenario #2 You have to shit as bad as in #1, but on your way home a cop pulls you over. What in the hell would you do? I have personally heard a couple different things here. In one story, a guy I know turned it into a short, high - speed chase. The cop followed him the entire way to his house. When he got there, he jumped out of his car and sprinted inside his house. The cop followed him inside the house...gun drawn. The cop ended up laughing it off and telling him, &quot;Man, I can't arrest you for that.&quot; In another example, someone I know just went ahead and stepped out of the passenger side door and shit in the driveway. And on a gravel driveway, mind you. So that means it got all stuck in the cracks. You can't hose that down. It just has to seep through to the earth. Scenario #3 You have to shit like in the first 2 examples...the cop follows you home, but when you jump out of the car, he shoots you and you shit your pants anyways. Scenario #4 You're on a first date with a super hot girl. You are very excited about this. You really feel like you need to make a big impression with this person because you are very interested in her. Oh, and you are in High School. Remember that...it's important due to the social implications of people finding out what I'm about to say. So you're on this date and you are at her parents house. You excuse yourself to go &quot;use the restroom.&quot; Turns out you have to take a dump. Everything comes out ok, except for the turd is the size of your leg. It won't flush. What do you do? One of my friends just wrapped his hand up in toilet paper...opened the girl's basement window...and through the turd out into the yard. Genius. Always blame it on the dog. Scenario #5 You take a dump that won't flush in #4. But you're a girl. You wouldn't do anything...girls don't poop. Except for when they get married. Then they poop for the first time in their lives. And fart. All over the place. Sorry for all the excrement examples. Hope you can make it to a show. -Dave Read More Blogs at jakobfreely.com FREELYFEST Saturday, June 13th. This was an old post from our Facebook page.  I don't think I ever posted it here.  

What time is it? I don't know...I just know that my eyes are starting to burn and my head hurts a little, which means it's time for bed. But, I kind of feel like I just wolfed down a red-eye from Starbucks. So maybe not.

Louie looked at me a minute ago and barked. Then he whimpered. Then he farted and I seriously felt the clash between Heaven and Hell all through my nostrils. It was right here man. Christ vs. Satan, straight out of Louie's dirty ass. So I figured he needed to go out and take a poop. We actually just got back in from that. But no poop. He just pissed for what felt like 2 1/2 weeks. So it was plenty of time for me to picture a hundred different "I Wonder" scenarios.

Scenario #1:

You have to take a dump so bad that you call your friends and family to tell them you are about to poop your pants and you love them very much. Much like you would if you were on an airplane and it was going down. Harsh example? No way man. If you've ever been there, then you know it's EXACTLY the same thing. That moment when you realize that you aren't going to make it home in time, is right up there with the scariest moments of reality you'll ever face. It happened to me a few months ago. Luckily, I made it. But I called my mom and said, "Hey mom." "I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And that I'm about to shit my pants."

Scenario #2

You have to shit as bad as in #1, but on your way home a cop pulls you over. What in the hell would you do? I have personally heard a couple different things here. In one story, a guy I know turned it into a short, high - speed chase. The cop followed him the entire way to his house. When he got there, he jumped out of his car and sprinted inside his house. The cop followed him inside the house...gun drawn. The cop ended up laughing it off and telling him, "Man, I can't arrest you for that."

In another example, someone I know just went ahead and stepped out of the passenger side door and shit in the driveway. And on a gravel driveway, mind you. So that means it got all stuck in the cracks. You can't hose that down. It just has to seep through to the earth.

Scenario #3

You have to shit like in the first 2 examples...the cop follows you home, but when you jump out of the car, he shoots you and you shit your pants anyways.

Scenario #4

You're on a first date with a super hot girl. You are very excited about this. You really feel like you need to make a big impression with this person because you are very interested in her. Oh, and you are in High School. Remember that...it's important due to the social implications of people finding out what I'm about to say.

So you're on this date and you are at her parents house. You excuse yourself to go "use the restroom." Turns out you have to take a dump. Everything comes out ok, except for the turd is the size of your leg. It won't flush. What do you do? One of my friends just wrapped his hand up in toilet paper...opened the girl's basement window...and through the turd out into the yard. Genius. Always blame it on the dog.

Scenario #5

You take a dump that won't flush in #4. But you're a girl. You wouldn't do anything...girls don't poop. Except for when they get married. Then they poop for the first time in their lives. And fart. All over the place.

Sorry for all the excrement examples. Hope you can make it to a show. -Dave

Read More Blogs at jakobfreely.com

FREELYFEST Saturday, June 13th.

]]> Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:28:41 GMT 365EE6E4CBDFD36C4BAD2F810FADEAD7